Let’s consider some options:
- Move across state, but make your final words to the congregation be insulting enough that nobody is tempted to look you up again. (That was a fun going away party.)
- Just stop showing up, but lead everyone on that you will be visiting again even though you have found a new church. (Awkward in the grocery store.)
- Tell everybody that you are going to a church where people are more spiritually mature. (Really awkward if you come back again in the future.)
- Flagrantly demonstrate that you are a transvestite and start causing scenes that make everything weird enough that people ask you to stop coming. (I thought the guy looked bad to begin with, but he really brought it out with that wig and make-up)
- Tell everyone you have cancer; reduce attendance due to “treatments;” tell them you give up and are entering hospice; have a hospice nurse, who sounds like you, call and give updates; have your sister, who also sounds like you, call and say you died; then attend the funeral service pretending to be your own sister. (I have not personally experienced this one, but I did read about it.)
Woman fakes death to leave church. Oh sure, I have considered some drastic measures to get out of really lousy sermons before, but nothing like this.
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